Change Ahead

So I sat down awhile ago to write this. Thought long and hard about what the first post back should be. Wrote this whole thing on changing your life through daily steps and goal writing. Talked about how God being at the forefront of every decision would always ensure success but not negate the trials that would come.

Didn’t post it.

Wasn’t connected to it.

If you follow me on social media then you saw that there was supposed to be this post Saturday but nothing was there.

Because truth is, the changes ahead aren’t all calculated risk and prayer manifestations.

The truth is the change that’s coming. The one that’s been brewing for some time, really starts with me being unapologetic in my approach.

The reality is that I’m going to take up space. I wasn’t created to be this meek and mild bystander of life, but instead this courageous fighter who skillfully equipped navigates through life messily, but authentically.

There’s something more that I’m supposed to be doing and that at 32, I don’t have it all figured out. I don’t know all the answers but I do know that I’m going to start again.

Start with a fresh approach. A fresh self perspective. A fresh ambitious spirit. A fresh determination. A fresh mind.

And most importantly, a forgiving spirit.

The first person I forgive is me.

I forgive myself for doubting my abilities and talents. For wasting time wondering what if and over analyzing every step. For settling and almost giving up on everything my heart desired because the tangible things I see didn’t match the vision and purpose I so fervently prayed for. For wishing life was different but not making the necessary changes to ensure life anew would come into fruition. For learning lessons and not applying them. For letting up on who I was to coddle and nurture insecurities instead of continuing to shine and inspire. For all the negative narratives that play in my head daily, while God’s voice becomes a distant, disconnected whisper.

I forgive myself for counting me out way before my time to quit.

So there are a lot of changes coming. Some I’m prepared for and others, I will battle and embrace them as they come.

But as I brace myself for impact, I smile, because the changes ahead are leading me to living my life to the fullest.

Another Chance

So I’ve decided to dig back in. I’ve decided to get back in the Arena. I’ve decided that what I have to say is important to me. That it matters that I get it out. Not for anyone else to necessarily read but for me to process life. It’s been a long journey from February 2018 until now. So much has happened. So much loss, gain, newness, growth, fighting, overcoming, and the list just goes on.

Some are able to channel their thoughts into beautiful portraits. Others are able to rhythmically move to music allowing their emotions to flow through their body. There are those that use spoken word and it’s pattern of rhyme and reason to mentally walk you through their process, urging you to use your vision and imagination to bring forth an image of their emotion.

For me, it’s through writing.

It’s in the confined space of a vehicle combined with the muffled sounds of rubber frantically rolling over the cement, that thoughts flow. Words pour into me so vividly, refreshingly filling me with the hopes of overflowing to others. Pressing for freedom. A freedom that I often don’t embrace. A vulnerability that I’m afraid of. My thoughts are sacred to me. Allowing others into a personal space of healing and transformation is scary.

What will they think? Will anyone read it? What if there’s criticism? What if I’m not who people think I am?

I don’t care.

For the first time in 32 years, it’s so empowering to say.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a daily process. Everyday I have to choose my voice over others. My healing over others. My worth over others. Through intention and consistency.

Intentionally following my intuition and consistently reassuring myself.

This is my “Daring Greatly” moment.

What’s on the other side of that, I don’t know.

But I plan to get in the arena. I plan to fight to figure it out. I vow to be real and transparent. I will pray over every obstacle that I come against. Not through my strength alone, but with the help of God, I will see change.

Even now, as my heart beats fast and my thoughts start to betray me, convincing me that this isn’t the right choice.

I begin. Again. Inviting you to read along.

Luv J. MonCheri